My husband recently asked me how I seemingly did not continue the dysfunction and abuse cycle that I grew up in my future relationships. It was and still is an excellent question. Why indeed? I thought for a moment and gave the answer that I thought was the most accurate.
serotonin became one of those words or things, if you will, that I decided I should know more about. It comes up a lot in discussions about depression and other mental health discussions.
I also think that in part, it was that I felt that I was somehow to blame for how I was feeling on the inside. Since all of the things that were wrong with the world around me were totally my fault. Since it was my fault, medication would not help.
For so many of us we spend our lives running around trying to make others happy. Well, add to that trying to run from my past also, and what you end up with is me as a hot mess.
That deep level of broken, soul-shattering, helplessness that would have taken over my need to live is not one that I could have come back from. Especially then, in the middle of it all, I was precariously balancing between functioning enough to push forward or falling back into the darkness.