There are two parts to being sober. I am trying to figure out who I am so that I don’t fall into the same behavioral traps. Isn’t that part of the self-fulfilling prophecy?
This year has brought with it many firsts on a global scale. I have experienced many firsts personally. As we head into this holiday season, my soon to be first is celebrating thanksgiving drug free. What could go wrong?
I was the family scapegoat. My perspective of myself was not the same as my mother’s perspective of me. I think that is at the core of my need to fight against that.
Standing there within the stillness of the eye of that storm as it threatens me from every angle. Getting close, but not close enough. I don’t move; I stand, immobile, only staring out in that turmoil.
Born into Scapegoat Role I feel like I was born as the scapegoat in my family. I don't know if that is an accurate memory. But if there is one thing that I have realized is that my intuition is usually accurate. Whether it is a real account, it is how I felt at that...
I am adamant about keeping my identity on my veteran status and not being a spouse or dependent because no one ever thinks I am. I mean, you can’t tell who is a veteran just by looking at them. Assuming that someone couldn’t be or wouldn’t be because of their gender or color of their skin or religion is merely ridiculous, but that doesn’t stop people from making those assumptions.
If that is the definition of forgiveness, why does it feel like I am doing all of those things? I think right there, what forgiveness is not, is the biggest reason we feel that our abusers do not deserve our forgiveness. It feels like I am allowing them to get away with something.
As I walked, I thought about what had just happened. What the heck was that? And what caused it? Recalling, it was the scent of lilac that had jarringly transported me back in time. Even though I walked on from the initial spot that had caused my memory to jump to the past, I could still smell lilac, ever so slightly.