I have been telling my story but it hasn’t been the whole story. I have been leaving out the pain. I have been hiding it from myself and from everyone else.
Happy Father’s Day! How do I do that? Celebrate a person that was not a father, but an abuser? I still grapple with that.
What happened to me? I have learned that is the question to ask myself. For so many years I would ask, what is wrong with me? Turns out, that is not a helpful question.
I do not belong in the world of colorful things. I do not belong in the world of sunlight. My c-PTSD tells me to stay in the shadows, in the dark. That is where I belong.
Hypervigilant Silence There is a lull, a feeling of silence, that suddenly falls around me. The only thing I hear is the ocean. Like when you hold a conch shell to your ear. A background noise that makes it hard to hear. The enveloping darkness covers me like a...
Words. They wield so much power. And when used to abuse a person will cause pain that is invisible. Until I stood up to that and walked out of my house I thought I would never be okay. I am still working on being okay but I did save my life that day.
I didn’t want to admit that I had PTSD. It was in a long list of things that I denied to myself. Much like the abuse I endured, I pushed the thoughts away. Acknowledging that I have PTSD would have meant acknowledging childhood trauma. Now, I no longer deny myself my truth.