I know that I am broken. I know it as my truth. And you know what? Of course I am. I am still here taking my small steps forward.
What’s With the Birthday Anxiety?
Anxiety is a weird little beast. It strikes up when I least expect it, and when I do expect to feel anxious. But yesterday, on my birthday, it was coming on strong. I have no idea why.
What Would the Walls Share?
I have been dreaming of my childhood home. I am sure there is a message there. I am not sure what yet. I wonder, what would the walls tell me?
The Slow Descent to Rock Bottom
Hitting rock bottom was so slow. I almost didn’t recognize it for what it was. Almost. I knew it for years, afraid to admit to myself that I was slowly killing myself.
Burden of Truth: My Origin Story
There are things in my life I have some control over, and then there are things that I don’t. Being the product of spousal rape is one of those things that I could not affect. I spent my entire life feeling like I should have been able to. How messed up is that?
Of Course, I Drank & Used Drugs
Coping skills, I used to think that I didn’t have those. But I did. They were unhealthy. And I don’t want them anymore, but they were there when I needed them.
This is MY STORY
First my story was dictated by the adults around me. Mainly my parents, but their narrative about me was wrong. But their narrative was the only one I knew. Now, I am changing that.
Wake-Up! Panic Attack Time!
Usually my panic attacks occur at night. I guess I should be grateful that I lose my mind in the quiet solitude of my own bed. But DAMN it still sucks.
I’m Sorry, Okay? I Am Really, Really Sorry.
I’m sorry. The words rattle around in my head until I speak them. If I try not to speak those words the urge to do so becomes much greater. It’s like having OCD, I have to say I’m sorry.