If you are ever standing in court and you hear those words, know this: It is never ‘just one night.’ One night can forever change the trajectory of a person’s life. One night could be the difference between life and death.
We all have roles in our families, the golden child, the hero, etc. I was none of those. I was the scapegoat. I was always held responsible for the ills of life but had no way of changing my fate or the fate of others.
As a recovering over-apologizer, I notice more when people apologize. Especially when it is for things they shouldn’t apologize for because there is no need. Are you trying something new? Don’t apologize for being bad at it.
My childhood instability stayed with me throughout adulthood. I built a better, more stable foundation once I realized I lived in an unstable house.
I have no idea how many people read my blog. It doesn’t matter. I write for myself, to heal, and if anything I write resonates or helps anyone else, that is the cherry on top of my writing sundae.
Can I thrive? Am I able to leave behind or move through the foundation of my life, of who I am? Those are the questions I have. And bearing witness to the stories of other survivors gives me the hope I need to push forward and thrive.
I originally wrote this in December 2020. Since then, I have found my community with the Ask A Sex Abuse Survivor group. And with this group, I was reminded of this post and decided to update and repost it here.
I realized the connection between being a victim and having my boundaries ignored (or forgotten) because of white male privilege. The more I thought about this, the more I realized that throughout history, white male privilege had provided an avenue for one group of people to victimize and marginalize anyone who doesn’t look like them.