Anxiety Tells Me
There is no time like the present, right? Unless the present is how much my anxiety affects my perspective on life, like making sure that I am working hard and no one (namely me) thinks that I am a slacker.
Here’s a tip for my overactive anxiety brain – no one cares if I am working hard. I work for myself. Which somehow makes it worse. Because no matter what I accomplish, my anxiety tells me it isn’t enough.
So, I Went Running
It is a beautiful day here in Maryland. I went running earlier. I wrote for an hour and saw sunshine run. It wasn’t the time I had initially set aside for running. Why wait?
I was able to get outside and be active. Does it matter when? Not, but my anxiety tells me that it does.
I have spent most of my adult life fitting my life into the usual workday schedule (Monday through Friday, 8 am to 5 pm). And right now, I haven’t had to do that in a long time.
Anxiety Affects Perspective
I still remember the guilt that I would feel taking time off. It didn’t matter what the reason for my time off was. I felt like I wasn’t giving that company one hundred percent. I should be grateful they hired me, right?
When I worked remotely, I could have gone for a run, and no one would have said anything. Still, the stress of someone (me) thinking I wasn’t working hard was there.
Yet, out on my run this morning, I had that guilt. My thoughts wander, and they go immediately to the ‘I should be working.’ And then my brain was off on the journey of ‘you name it, I should be doing that’ instead of running.
It’s a very annoying feedback loop that my brain loves to play.
It’s a good thing that I can argue with myself while running. Otherwise, people would have seen a fascinating one-person brawl in the middle of the road. So I had to push that thought away. I mean, focus on getting that to stop.
Why am I feeling guilty? For taking time for myself? For exercising?
There is no better time than now.
Anxiety is an asshole. I know my brain is trying to protect me, but seriously, it messes me up more. That’s one of the many reasons I went into therapy – to heal myself so I can live my life. And you can do that too.
I recommend Online-Therapy.*