Walking along the Danube at the end of my Eastern European tour I was reminded of the importance of considering the past. Especially when considering how to be in the present.
I have recently come across some old poetry that I wrote in high school. I have debated sharing these, they were so long ago, and I don’t feel that way anymore. BUT I felt this way as a kid struggling to work through the abyss that is child abuse. It’s important to share.
But then I started watching and reading other people’s stories; I started bearing witness. And I saw people thriving and living their lives. It gave me hope.
Finally on a path of healing I am reworking my life’s puzzle pieces. Because that is life, right? All these little pieces to fit together. It is never too late to start reworking those pieces.
I don’t much about healthy boundaries. I was raised that I was not allowed to have boundaries. I was certainly not allowed to assert myself with healthy boundaries.
We have all heard and used the adage, ‘putting lipstick on a pig.’ That is what keeping the abuse hidden from the world feels like. I have been lipstick on a pig for too long.
Choice. It is the bane of my existence, and what I need all wrapped into one small word. I am choosing to taper my medication. Some interesting things have happened this past week.
I realize that I tend to lean towards negativity. I talk about the things I struggle with when on vacation. I don’t talk about the great fun I am having. Some would say I have a negative worldview. Yeah, that sounds about right.
There are instances, such as mine, that blood relations do not mean family. Being bound through blood to two abusive people is not the family I would have chosen.
I don’t want to ever be ‘Before Times Talia.’ One of the methods I use are positive affirmations. Trying to turn the negative self-talk into positive self-care talk.