I am working hard to keep the darkness away so the light can begin to shine through. Learning how to have healthy boundaries, taking care of myself, and what that all means is one of the hardest things I am doing.
Suicide Seemed Like a Good Decision at the Time
My thought process around suicide more than thirty years ago has stayed with me. Not in the sense that I think it is a good idea or that I am planning on suicide (I am not). It is the pain that I was feeling that is still with me today.
I’m Sorry I’m Broken
I know that I am broken. I know it as my truth. And you know what? Of course I am. I am still here taking my small steps forward.
What’s With the Birthday Anxiety?
Anxiety is a weird little beast. It strikes up when I least expect it, and when I do expect to feel anxious. But yesterday, on my birthday, it was coming on strong. I have no idea why.
What Would the Walls Share?
I have been dreaming of my childhood home. I am sure there is a message there. I am not sure what yet. I wonder, what would the walls tell me?
Burden of Truth: My Origin Story
There are things in my life I have some control over, and then there are things that I don’t. Being the product of spousal rape is one of those things that I could not affect. I spent my entire life feeling like I should have been able to. How messed up is that?
This is MY STORY
First my story was dictated by the adults around me. Mainly my parents, but their narrative about me was wrong. But their narrative was the only one I knew. Now, I am changing that.
Wake-Up! Panic Attack Time!
Usually my panic attacks occur at night. I guess I should be grateful that I lose my mind in the quiet solitude of my own bed. But DAMN it still sucks.
I’m Sorry, Okay? I Am Really, Really Sorry.
I’m sorry. The words rattle around in my head until I speak them. If I try not to speak those words the urge to do so becomes much greater. It’s like having OCD, I have to say I’m sorry.
Introducing Snarky the Snark Dog
I used to think I was just snarky and that it gave me an edge. I guess back in the day; I thought it made me cool. Now it just gets in the way. But there is a reason for it. I just had to dig deep enough to figure it out.