Am I compromising myself for love? I don’t know. I want to think that I am not, but when one needs to do something (fill in the blank on that something) for the person they love, that is compromise.
But doing certain things doesn’t necessarily compromise yourself – your beliefs and values.
That is tricky because first, you must know your values and beliefs.
I have a very black-and-white view of the world.
I was going to write, “How can I not have a black-and-white view of the world?” but then I realized how I grew up brought me in touch with the multifaceted world of people. Not the black-and-white world that I see today.
And damnit, The Doors had it right when they sang “People Are Strange.” Not only are people strange, they are multifaceted creatures who don’t even know why they do what they do most of the time.
Most people don’t know their motivation for doing anything. My reasoning for doing what I do, is, in this particular instant, for the love of another person.
Am I Compromising for Love?
I came up with the idea to insert blanks in this post because I am not here to point fingers at people or nonsense.
I assure you that the situation the blanks represent is nothing illegal or abusive.
It is something I do because I love someone. And this particular thing is highly triggering for me.
I am doing _______ because of love. I did _________ because I love and care about someone so much that I am willing to put myself through ___________ because of that love. I did __________ to support a person I love. Even though doing _________ makes me feel so terribly awful that I can barely function the next day after doing _________.
At what point does my love for myself, taking care of myself, matter more to me than the person I love? Am I falling back into patterns of people-pleasing that I have been trying so hard to shed? When do I say “No”?
Do I ever?
At what point does the person I love see me and love me enough never to ask me to do _________ again?
Or am I ever able to do _________ without feeling physically ill, crying, and unable to function? Is that not what therapy will do for me? But what if being able to do _______________ doesn’t matter that much to me? Shouldn’t I be working on the things that will help me? Shouldn’t I?
Will being able to participate in ________ help me?
Maybe. I don’t know.
But I love someone so much that I am trapped. Is this the way through to healing? To push me into doing ___________ because it makes me feel terribly awful? And by forcing myself into doing ________, I am seeing what areas I need to work on to heal.
But at what point does that become detrimental? This push to do ________? Even though I do not do ______ very frequently (I mean, let’s face it, I avoid it as much as I can).
But there is an importance to the person I love to participate and do ________, and I want to support that. But what am I supporting exactly?
I worry about that because of the _______ I see every time I am doing __________.
But at what point does it simply not work for me to do ________?
Oh, I am trying all of the things to be able to “handle” and “deal” with ________. But, wow. None of those words that become the actions makes me feel any better.
I am losing myself again to the cycle of ________, to being an observer in __________, and perhaps, though silent, my presence is accepting of the _________.
For if you are not fighting against _________, are you not culpable for the outcome?
I am stuck. I am trapped.
I feel, at this moment, compromised.
Are you finding having boundaries is difficult? Are you unsure what boundaries are? I used to say “yes” to both of those questions. I highly recommend therapy. I found therapy a safe place where I could find myself again. I know you will too.
I recommend Online-Therapy.*