Us vs. Them

Imagine a mother whose sole focus is on trying to destroy the scapegoat, her child. That would be me. The child, the scapegoat. I only had an inkling that I was a sacrificial lamb back then. 

The family would rally around her by banding together against a common enemy (me). It is a strategy that people have been using for centuries. Hitler used it. He united the German people against a common “enemy,” the Jewish people.

And you will see that playing out in our current politics worldwide. It is the US vs. THEM mentality. And there can be only one winner. So let the fighting begin. It’s all bullshit, anyway. It’s all about who gets to be king of Shit Mountain.

Scapegoating is a way to analyze negative experiences in terms of blaming an innocent individual or group for the event. The one doing the scapegoating can then use the mistreatment of the scapegoat as an outlet for their own frustrations and hostilities.

Subsequently, the group can mistreat the scapegoat as an outlet for their frustrations and hostilities.

Destroy the Scapegoat

I think humans are among the few mammals that fight amongst themselves to the detriment of all. Self-destruction equaling self-preservation? Our survival has shifted from survival out on the plains (or where ever we existed back then) to psychological survival.

Our enemies are of our own creation – each other. When we, in reality, are not a threat to each other. Of course, that is, until we perceive we are.

We have created a false world filled with big houses, expensive cars, and tall white picket fences (short white picket fences were so yesterday). We must protect that false world and other people’s perception of who we are. And sometimes, we must have someone to blame to preserve that world.

What The Future Says

I wonder what future anthropologists (or perhaps alien anthropologists) will say about the family units when sifting through the remains of ancient suburbia. “Oh, look,” they will exclaim with delight, “this must have been an important member of their tribe. Look how tall their picket fence is!”

The excited babble continues as the anthropologists talk amongst themselves. “This indicates that they had the greenest and tallest grass in this area, a very prominent citizen! We shall refer to this site as ‘Burb Prime. All other sites uncovered will be compared to ‘Burb Prime.”

So, okay, you all with your green grass, maybe that is how it will play out, and you are banking on it, I know you are. Somehow, somewhere your goddamn lawn will elevate you in the eyes of the future, you will be considered a god. Sure.

As Long as the Grass is Green

Seriously who gives a shit about how green their grass is? My experience is that behind that normalcy, or desire for it, lies a shit show that has passed down its shittiness from one generation to the next. The need to keep those on the outside thinking that everything is great behind the front doors of the houses in ‘Burbia becomes our survival instinct.

Destruction to the Scapegoat

Death and destruction to anything threatening to burst that bubble of false perfection. That threat is usually one of the 2.5 children. And that child is who ends up being the scapegoat. Maybe it’s the .5 child? That would explain A LOT.

But no, the scapegoat is one of the full, whole children. The scapegoat is the truth seeker and teller. The scapegoat is trying to proverbially burn down the perfect house because it isn’t perfect.

And there is something within the scapegoat that cannot handle the falseness of that false front. So it creates a conflict within the scapegoat that they cannot rectify.

And the fight for the false life lived behind the picket-fenced green grass begins. That fight means the outside world must remain ignorant. The scapegoat must be humiliated and denied. Everyone must know that the scapegoat is a liar (don’t ever believe the scapegoat). The family unit is protected – by destroying one of its own.

Being the scapegoat is a horrible existence. And it occurs in other relationships, too, not just parent-child relationships. Please seek therapy if you think you have been or are the scapegoat. No one should go through that alone.

I recommend Online-Therapy.* Encouraging therapy is their first step in healing.

Check out some of my other writings about alcoholism and sobriety. “The Slow Descent to Sobriety” starts my December series about addiction and my journey with sobriety.  You can also check out my recent poetry,  What Happened to All of My Words??

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