“I wished you hadn’t quit drinking.”

That was said to me the other day. I am not sure even what to write about it yet, but I feel that I must write something. Because for the sake of all the fucks out there in the world, are you fucking kidding me?

Do I need to write that telling an ALCOHOLIC that you wished they hadn’t stopped drinking is NOT A GOOD THING TO SAY?

Apparently, yes, I do.

Do I really need to defend my decision to stop drinking?

Apparently, yes, I do.

Do I really need to fight to convince people that I am so much better in my sobriety?

Apparently, yes, I do.

Do I need to write that I DON’T wish I hadn’t stopped drinking? And that, in fact, I am so GLAD that I stopped drinking. I saved my life.

Apparently, yes, I do.

Hell, do I even need to say any or all of that in response to that statement?

Apparently, YES, I do.

Do you know what I did instead? I disassociated. I tuned out. The buzzing in my brain got loud, the lights dimmed, and I turned to my drink (a mocktail) and took a sip. I think I frowned. But I don’t know. I hope that I had enough awareness to at least FROWN.

You wished I hadn’t stopped drinking.

That whole statement is some serious bullshit.

But I am not mad. I am sad for you, the person who thinks that I was better off deep within my alcoholism, my denial, my trauma, that you want me to stay there. I am sad that you would rather have me stay in the dark so you can feel some connection to me, and that connection is through a drug.

You wished I hadn’t stopped drinking.

Do you know what I wish? I wish you could open your eyes and realize I am over here being AWESOME. But you can’t. Because selfishly, you are too worried about yourself so much that you would prefer me to continue drinking myself to death. All so we could have some laughs.

Do you wish that I hadn’t stopped drinking that much? Do you really?

Sigh. This is not the first time people have shown me that they can’t show up for me.

And why I will continue to distance myself from people that show me that.

And that is on them.

What have people said to you as you work towards healing, sobriety, etc.? I would like to hear from you. I am planning on writing a series of things not to say to people who are healing. I would love your input in the comments (I won’t make it public if you ask me to not to).