Overwhelming My Brain
My mind is drawing a blank. Saturday, we picked up our RV for our next adventure. It was exhilarating but a very long day, and then the drive home in a ginormous vehicle that neither of us had driven. Exciting and exhausting all wrapped into one. All of those situations overwhelmed my brain.
Then we get it to its new temporary home, my in-laws’ driveway, and the rest of the family arrives to check out our new home. Watching and following along with my nieces as they explored all of the cupboards and cubby holes and asked questions was excellent. And exhausting. It is the juxtaposition in my life that I so badly want not to be exhausted or overwhelmed by such beautiful situations. But I am.
There was so much going on this past weekend, and I am still recovering. What my recovery means is that I am tired. And not just tired but the mind-numbing tired that I can’t even think straight.
That is simply the way I am. It makes me who I am to focus on what is happening so intensely that it exhausts me. When I am someplace, I am wholly there. But it takes so much out of me.
Hangover, Not the Alcohol Kind
I am hungover. Not from alcohol because I don’t drink but from being around people. What I have is an introvert hangover. Yes, I am an introvert. I gain my energy and come up with my best ideas by being alone. Being alone is a place and situation that I am comfortable with because I like being with myself. I am awesome!
Without my alone time, I get introvert hangovers. And yes, they are real. It is like trying to move within a foggy fishbowl. And that is where I am today. Tired. I cannot think of anything to write or even edit those writings that I have almost done. I don’t have the energy for it today. I know that I need to take a day after being around people and running around. I was hoping this time would be different. And it was—sort of.
Something is Working
As overwhelmed as my brain was throughout all of the weekend activities, I still was able to work through those anxious moments. By keeping my anxiety at bay, I was able to sort of enjoy being around that number of people, not only being around people but participating too. It’s a big deal for me.
I have now been in therapy for over two years. I am modifying my medication doses. Perhaps something is working to help my overwhelmed brain? I think it is a combination of those things. And I attribute surviving this past weekend or getting through it relatively unscathed, mentally, that is, with the things that I have been doing.
Except for being tired and not having an ounce of writing creativity in me today, I would say it went pretty okay.
My Overwhelmed Brain
What my exhaustion today means is that this blog post will be short and sweet. I will hopefully make some point. I am kidding. I have a point. Or had a point. It left me for a moment there. Aha! There it is again.
The point is that I know that today will not be an excellent day writing; it may not be a day that I accomplish anything. And that is okay. I need to learn to give myself the time to recover and do what I need to do to keep myself healthy.
I am not good at doing that. I am supposed to power forward and act like I am doing great even when I am not. Who told me that? I did! I am sure that is also part of that old programming that has been rattling around in my brain my entire life. Now I begin to change that narrative.
Today is a Day of Grace
The lesson is to give me grace is one that I need to remind myself over and over. Today is one of the days to provide me with grace. Now I know that there are several different perspectives on giving ourselves grace. My perspective on giving myself grace is acknowledging that I need to take breaks. And in those times of taking breaks, I know that I won’t be my best self. And that is okay.
And now to introvert burrito in my bubble of grace.