Is there a medication I can take that makes me not feel? Because that is what I would like to have. Not an option? No? Oh, well, there is always self-medicating. However, that didn’t work out well for me last time.
So, I am going to say that self-medicating is not the answer.
Although, I suppose I have been self-medicating with what little THC I can legally purchase here in the good ol’ South. But like all self-medications, it is inconsistent. Go figure that a non-regulated industry would have inconsistencies in its products.
Why have I been attempting self-medicating? I stopped taking the medications for my depression, anxiety, and complex PTSD because I thought I could handle the issues.
I could live without medication, regardless of diagnoses, mental illnesses, or whatever people call having a fucked-up brain nowadays.
I thought that after years of therapy and developing coping tools, I could perhaps not be on a medication that fucked up my intestines and caused fifty-pound weight gain, among other health issues.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right, trying to control all the shit that swirls around in my head all the time.
Or maybe not. Maybe that is me sharing too much. Again. I don’t know. There isn’t a template for writing a blog about stuff that no one wants to read.
For unknown reasons, I still need to put all this shit (my shit) out there into the world.
So, it can be ignored or not discovered because I don’t adhere to or even remotely fucking understand the goddamn Google algorithms. However, anything that is worth anything is found on the internet without sucking the dick of the almighty internet gods.
A Blog A Day
Hence, I suppose this blog may be my way of self-medicating, which will soon be regular old medication. That’s right. I will medicate the fuck out of my brain.
Because holy hell, people think they can’t deal with me, try being in my head for a few moments. That’s all you need to do, be in my head for just a few moments. It will destroy you.
And the fact that it hasn’t destroyed me?
I guess that is a testament to my resilience, my superheroism, or some shit. I don’t know. Does it matter? Probably not.
Thinking I could change years of abuse by myself was a fool’s errand. I did not have the tools to heal myself. The psychological toll it takes to move through life like that is immense. Therapy is the best start for healing.
I recommend Online-Therapy.*