Stop Apologizing

Stop apologizing for where you are. I don’t know who needs to hear that. Honestly? Probably me. It is my blog, and I mostly write to help myself. And I bet others need to read this too.

I have been thinking about how much we, as a people in general, seem to apologize for things we shouldn’t. A recent example that got me thinking about apologizing was that we had to partner up with someone at the end of my workout class.

My partner and I were to maintain high planks while fist-bumping each other for a minute and thirty seconds. My partner was struggling and had to take breaks. He kept apologizing. I looked at him mid-fist bump and said, “No need to apologize. You are doing great!” And he was.

Never apologize for where you are in life. Where you are is just fucking fine.

Struggle is Healthy

Struggling isn’t something to apologize for. On the contrary, struggling through a challenge should be a celebration. And my partner that day kept getting back in that plank position and fist-bumping me.

Is apologizing for (insert something that is a challenge) a problem? I think it is. I know it was for me. I used to apologize for everything, mainly for my very existence. But that isn’t what that guy was doing. At least, I don’t think that was his underlying motivation.

Did he feel bad that he should be stronger because he is a guy? I have no idea, but maybe. Was he apologizing because he wasn’t the best partner and couldn’t fist-bump me as much?

Maybe. I didn’t ask. The situation didn’t lend itself to further discussion on the matter. I can only provide conjecture.

Stopping Myself

But it made me nonetheless think about apologizing for being where we are because that is what I saw. I saw a person, at the moment, struggling and apologizing for it.

I apologize for things I shouldn’t, and most likely will continue to. Because that is part of my programming, to feel bad for existing and taking up space. It’s a word my brain goes to almost immediately. But I am actively working to change that.

As I continue to heal, undoing years of abuse, I apologize for not being great at responding to things or not knowing how to respond. As soon as the words “I’m sorry” leave my mouth, I am annoyed with myself. 

Not Sorry

I should not apologize for healing, for my sobriety, for seeing the world in a new way, and for trying to navigate that healthily.

What also fascinates me about apologizing is that the people who should be apologizing never seem to do that. And yet, others, like me, who have very little to apologize for, do it all the time.

Now I am working hard not to apologize unless there is something to apologize for.

If you are an asshole and have done something worth apologizing for, you should apologize. An obvious example is: telling a recovering alcoholic that you wished they hadn’t quit drinking.

Do you find yourself apologizing for things that aren’t your fault? And that you can’t seem to stop apologizing? Therapy is where you can learn to change that. Why not start your healing journey today?

I recommend Online-Therapy.*

Check out some of my other writings about alcoholism and sobriety. “The Slow Descent to Sobriety” starts my December series about addiction and my journey with sobriety.  You can also check out my recent poetry,  What Happened to All of My Words??

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