What does happiness feel like? Day 2 of my year long self-reflection journey and I again find myself at a loss for words. How do I describe something I am not quite sure I have ever felt?
What brings me joy? I don’t know. Why are questions like that so difficult? That is the first question I have to answer on the first day of this self-reflection journey and it’s the most difficult one.
I wondered what the world would be like without rainbows. I think it would be very boring. But some people are afraid of rainbows. So this poem is about what happened to the rainbows. And how they came back. Because one thing I know, rainbows always come back.
Can I thrive? Am I able to leave behind or move through the foundation of my life, of who I am? Those are the questions I have. And bearing witness to the stories of other survivors gives me the hope I need to push forward and thrive.
I originally wrote this in December 2020. Since then, I have found my community with the Ask A Sex Abuse Survivor group. And with this group, I was reminded of this post and decided to update and repost it here.
But then I started watching and reading other people’s stories; I started bearing witness. And I saw people thriving and living their lives. It gave me hope.
Sharing my story involves vulnerability. Who knows what people will say or how they will react? What’s more important is continuing to share no matter what. And that means I have to trust myself.
April is Child Abuse, Alcohol, and Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Awareness can only happen when we share our stories. When we bear witness to ourselves and each other.
You see, walking into the light meant leaving survival behind and entering into thrivival, the place where I could truly be myself, without the armor, without the defenses up. The more I stood there, the more I wanted to be out in that light.
When someone mentions bravery I think of knights and swords clanging. I don’t think of healthcare workers, truckers or grocery store employees. Until now. COVID has redefined bravery.