We all have roles in our families, the golden child, the hero, etc. I was none of those. I was the scapegoat. I was always held responsible for the ills of life but had no way of changing my fate or the fate of others.
I would have understood my mother’s behavior if we were still living out on the plains, having to survive, and she threw me to the saber tooth tigers circling. That would have been an easier death too. I would never know that there was something wrong with me. Just instant…nothing.
As my family’s scapegoat, everything was my fault. I was the sacrificial lamb or goat in this case. I was someone to blame for the ills of the family. And to “protect” the family, I had to be destroyed. Clearly, that did not work.
I was the family scapegoat. My perspective of myself was not the same as my mother’s perspective of me. I think that is at the core of my need to fight against that.
Born into Scapegoat Role I feel like I was born as the scapegoat in my family. I don't know if that is an accurate memory. But if there is one thing that I have realized is that my intuition is usually accurate. Whether it is a real account, it is how I felt at that...