Talk About Depression
Why didn’t you call someone? That question, laced with desperation and concern, came after a bad weekend I had months ago. Right, because it’s so easy to talk about depression (and it isn’t only depression for me).
It sounds so easy, go through my contacts and identify the people I can call in those moments. So easy to figure out who can hold space for me in a moment.
Except it isn’t easy.
Being Honest
If it were easy, we would all talk about how we feel when someone asks. We would be honest about what was going on inside ourselves.
When was the last time you answered that question honestly when someone asked?
I don’t mean the random stranger at the store who asks you how they are doing, but a friend and confidant.
Whom would you call when the darkness comes in?
Who, indeed?
Call someone,
reach out to someone,
you say.
Who?
So simple. So easy
a thing to do. Just
go through the list
of whom to call, thumb through
my contacts, ponder each name,
each line,
ask myself
THE QUESTION,
whom would I call?
To handle the grief, the inutterable
mostly undefinable darkness?
Who?
I can barely shoulder
the overpowering sorrow, the
weight crushes me.
Who?
Frozen, as I am, unable to choose.
My fingers hover over
names, so many names,
but none were selected.
My phone, then tucked
back in my pocket, a weighted lump, reminding me
I failed to find the answer to
that agonizing question,
who?
I failed to burden others with
the unbearable weight of my being,
though I know it may lessen the pressure.
Who would help me carry this load?
Who, indeed?
Would you share this darkness with me,
the thing that even I don’t want to carry
throughout my life?
The darkness that compresses me within
myself,
the pressure, the shift of gravity pressing me
closer to the earth
creating the unbearable weight of being
me.
Call someone,
reach out to someone,
you say?
Yes. Of course.
I should.
But who?
Who, indeed?
Depression is an insidious mental health situation because it sneaks up on you. If you think you may have depression, please reach out to a therapist.
I recommend Online-Therapy.* 
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