In the Unlikeliest of Places
What is my purpose? That one question stopped me in my tracks. I read and re-read that question so many times I could repeat it in my sleep. But this day, I was bebopping through, The ONE Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan.
I had read that book so many times that I had lost count, yet that sentence I had somehow missed previously. Or had I? Had I unconsciously skipped over that sentence, that whole paragraph?
Was I not ready to read that and take that within myself? Hard to say for sure, but I think the last time I read that section, I wasn’t ready to hear that part. So I wasn’t prepared to take that within myself and ask myself the tough question.
What is My Purpose?
What’s the ONE thing that I can do in my life that would mean the most to me and the world, such that by doing it, everything else would be easier or unnecessary?
More simply put, what do I want my life to be about? What is my purpose?
The Inevitable Fear
I was afraid because I didn’t know the answer. That is a lie. I knew the answer. I was scared to say it. I was afraid to admit what I had known my entire life. The answer is so much at the core of my soul that I could not bear to bring it to the light. Not again.
I was afraid that I would squash it. Not so much that others would crush that, although that was undoubtedly a factor. At the core of my anxiety and sadness was m why I had pushed down. I have pushed that down inside myself deeper and deeper throughout my life.
I was afraid to bring it out again after so much time. I was afraid to see it and, more than anything, to have to do something with it this time.
Now, I am sure you are asking yourself, what do you mean? Why would you need to do anything with that now? You can bring it into the light and not do anything with it, right? Here’s the thing, when we deny ourselves our truth, there is deep unhappiness that permeates our very soul.
It can cause us to be ill, to be angry, to be depressed, to drink a lot, and lash out at those closest to us. I believe those issues occur for two reasons. One is when you don’t know your “why” your life has no purpose.
The second one is when you do not know your why/purpose, and you either ignore it or push it down inside of yourself.
Unknown or Ignorance
Either way, not knowing or ignoring your purpose, you are a ship afloat in the vast ocean without direction and, therefore, without navigation. Drifting along, pushed only by external factors, the sea or the wind, causes stress.
I hope you are not in as dark a place as I was before this journey. But, if you are, I hope you take some of this advice and take action. Your life and your truth are valuable. Your reality is worth being out in the open for all to see.
Profound breath moment here. Whew. Here it is. I have always wanted to be a writer. I am a good writer. Well, my natural talent is good. So ever since childhood, I read everything I could get my little hands on. Reading was my escape—a way to live someplace else and have a different reality.
As soon as I learned how to write, I was writing. I wanted to create a world to invite people into as others had for me. I submitted my writings for publication; well, nothing panned out with those. I gave up on it even though I loved it.
Instead of persevering and continuing to hone my craft and do what I love, I turned my back. I pushed that passion down inside of me. I tried so many different paths to find another passion, another truth. Nothing worked.
Try That On For Size
Nothing fit. In my first blog post, I wrote that I was a multi-dimensional peg trying to fit in a one-dimensional hole. Why? Because all of the things I had tried were not my passion. All those positions I held were not who I was at the core of my being. Simply put, I had not found purpose.
I had a passion, my big why, and there wasn’t room for another. So, I had to use my passion. I had to do something with it this time. Otherwise, I will be unhappy for the rest of my life. No more pushing that away.
So, I started this blog. I write, and I put my writing out into the world. It is not easy. Simple but not easy at all. My writing is a direct window into my soul.