Writing as an Introvert
Writing is what I do. Being an introvert is part of who I am. Writing as an introvert is taking my superpower and focusing that on writing. I need an outlet for everything I have going on in my mind.
What’s amazing is that I wrote the following almost three years ago. The poem I posted on social (Facebook and Instagram if you want to follow me out there) I wrote a week ago.
These things are connected. Oh wait, they are connected by a center point – me. And apparently, writing as an introvert is something that I have been pondering for many years. So it is also not lost on me that I wrote the following within a month of ending my love affair with alcohol.
That first few months were tough, and I turned to writing more than ever before.
A legacy is a collection of one’s experiences.
I have no idea if that is a quote. I found it at the beginning of my writing from 2020. It is a very profound and true sentence.
February 12, 2020
I sometimes regret not pushing forward with my writing when I was younger. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would respond, a writer. And then the questions would start, and then the snide remarks, or the shutdowns, like “you know the percentage of people who become real writers are tiny. You probably won’t make it.”
I allowed rejection and those voices of authority (the adults in my life) to tell me that I should give up and not even try. Eventually, their voices became internalized, and then I told myself I wouldn’t make it as a writer. And once I started to believe there was nothing else to do.
I laid down on the road, giving up on my dream, all because other people never achieved theirs. And if others couldn’t, therefore, there was no way that I would achieve mine. So if others can’t do it (most likely did not even try), what is so special about me that I think I can make it?
Then I didn’t think there was anything special about me. What differentiates people who have achieved their dreams from those who have not is their willingness to try. Trying and sticking with it are the two things that dream achievement is based upon.
But back then, I couldn’t think that way. I had internalized those voices that told me I would never be a writer. At least I would never be a published writer – my childhood goal. So here’s the thing or the piece I was missing then and realize now: I am already a writer.
I Am A Writer
I am a writer whenever I take pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. I have always been a writer. I never stopped until I lost a couple of years when I was stressed [NOTE: the word “stressed” is interesting to me here. I hadn’t yet wanted to use the alcoholic, so I skirted around that word and used other words to describe what was happening to me.]
I couldn’t think straight, let alone be creative, because I was not writing in those awful years. [Awful years? Those are the alcoholic years.]
The Secret Lives of Introverts is one of only a few books that changed my life. Learning more about myself includes learning more about being an introvert. This is the book that taught me so much.
Words Need An Outlet
That thought brings me to another point – I turned my back on my passion. I kept all those words trapped. Writing is a way that I process the world around me.
Writing as an introvert is the key to moving forward with my life. Writing is a way to look at the trauma I have endured and push out all the turmoil that presents itself to me because I am a sensitive and empathic introvert.
Writing gave me that outlet, and without that outlet, things just rattled around in my head with no escape. It’s like a never-ending pinball machine with the balls bouncing off people’s emotions and thoughts all bouncing around, hitting the rubber bands, and bouncing around more.
Except this pinball machine is my mind, and it never ends. Instead, there are more balls constantly in play all the time. There are levels upon levels, and more and more things are going on.
All of that must go somewhere. And it does. It goes into my writing.
Therapy helped me rediscover my love of writing. It took me years of healing to get to where I am today. If you are struggling with anything, give therapy a try.
I recommend Online-Therapy.* Encouraging therapy is their first step in healing.
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