Writing is Healing

Writing is healing for me. Growing up, I wrote all the time. Mainly poetry because the images I was conveying didn’t have to conform to the persnickety world of sentence structure. Bah. Sentence structure.

Poetry allowed my words to flow. To be free, out in the wilds of the world. Unlike my soul, which is tethered to this rock. For a life that was neither free nor wild. But a world of darkness. I try to convey this in my writing, and I don’t think I can.

I am a good writer, but some things can never fully be understood, no matter how well I express them.

Fear

I used to be afraid that people would see the darkness within. I thought that darkness was my darkness. When in fact, it was not. I didn’t know that, so I ensured that my writing was vague. Poetry is excellent at being able to say something while saying nothing at all, leaving the reader to interpret what you have written.

That darkness was my mother’s and my father’s, who, through trying to resolve the dissonance within them, pushed their darkness onto me. Because I was a child, my brain formed, based on what they pushed onto me, to believe that what they hated about themselves became my self-hate.

Their doubts became my self-doubt. I became a vessel for all the things they hated about themselves.

And because I was a child, my brain was forming, developing these extraordinary neuro pathways so that I could learn about the world, store and retrieve information – what an incredible time without the disruption of abuse. But there was disruption, and my brain developed differently because of that.

Healing Nature of Writing

And now, as was the case then, I know I am a victim or was a victim. So now, I am a survivor on the cusp of thriving. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I only need to stay the course.

The most significant part of thriving for me is writing. Not just poems, although I still stand by my original assertion that poems are more freeing than prose, through this blog and discovering that I can write fiction.

Not only that I can, but I enjoy it. Things come to me when I am writing, character names, motivations, the scene, etc. All those things that make great stories materialize within my imagination while writing.

Once upon a time ago, words were used as weapons against me. Now I get to use words for good. I get to use words to change the world and hopefully make it a better place.

Everyone has a story.

I rediscovered my love of writing during therapy. Perhaps therapy can help you to find a part of yourself that you thought was long dead. 

I recommend Online-Therapy.*

Check out some of my other writings about alcoholism and sobriety. “The Slow Descent to Sobriety” starts my December series about addiction and my journey with sobriety.  You can also check out my recent poetry,  What Happened to All of My Words??

* I receive compensation from Online-Therapy when you use my referral link. I only recommend products and services when I believe in them.

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